Friday, January 6, 2012

A letter to family and friends

Below is a letter that I've written to send out to family and some friends to share our struggle. DH ("J") has not read this letter yet, but he seems hesitant about sending it out. I thought I would post it on here to get some feedback from some friends. After 4.5 years, I'm tired of struggling in silence and dealing with this, for the most part, alone. For me, it's time to speak up and do something. I know that there are so many other couples out there struggling through this awful battle and maybe our story can help them. I may tweak it a little still but let me know what you think.


To our family and friends – It’s no secret that J and I have wanted to start a family for some time now. We’ve never really shared a lot about it because it is such a private thing. However, maybe by saying something it will prevent this disease from being in the shadows forever. Chances are that with infertility affecting 1 in 6 American couples, you know more people than just us who have been touched by it. Maybe our story will educate one person so they realize they are not alone. Maybe it will educate another person so they can reach out to someone they know and not be afraid to help them on their journey. Maybe awareness and making a difference starts with us…

We became pregnant with our first child after a successful in vitro (IVF) procedure. While we never got to hold that child, we believe that we will be able to one day. And while that gives us hope, our hearts are still broken by that loss and the fact that our arms are still empty here. Most of you probably have no reason to know a whole lot about the IVF process except the crazy news stories that surface every once in a while. Those extreme stories are also very far from what most couples truly face. But before you make a judgment call and say “I would never…” take a good like at your own children or grandchildren. Now, try to imagine your life without them. And even if you didn’t have to, aren’t they worth moving heaven and earth for if it was in your power to do so? Sadly, for 1 in 6 American couples, it takes those measures to bring our children into this world. We haven’t rushed into these decisions or taken them lightly, and we’ve shed a lot of tears and said a lot of prayers.

We will be pursuing another IVF procedure at some point this year. If you have sincere questions, we’d be happy to answer what we can. If you do not agree with our choices, that is fine as well; but keep in mind we’re not asking for anyone’s approval. We do not plan to share the exact timeline of it as we would like to maintain a little privacy. But we do ask for your love, your support and your prayers during this challenging time in our lives. Take a minute if you would to check out this link We hope that it will help you better understand our struggle and our dreams.


  1. Good letter. I would suggest putting a little more of your feelings about your struggle into the letter. How Infertility affects your life and how you see things differently now...
    I think the information you gave is great, but you seemed just a little detached from the emotion of it.
    Hopefully this helps and doesn't offend. I think what you are doing is a GOOD thing. We came out to our family and closer friends about a year ago and the support really does help.

    All the best, Alissa

  2. I agree with what Alissa said. More of your own emotions and feelings.

    Like you, we kept our struggle to ourselves for quite a few years. I finally told me mom and dad (and stepmom). It was nice to be able to talk to my mom, although we didn't talk too much. I know my dad passed our TTC struggles on to my aunts, which in a way was good because there weren't any "so, when is it your turn" type of questions anymore and more of "you're turn will come" (not the greatest, but I know they meant it out of love).

    In short, what I'm trying to say, is that I think it is a good thing to "come out", if you are ready for it. Hopefully it will only bring you more support, love and understanding.

  3. I think your letter is a wonderful idea. I haven't shared much at all with my family about our struggle, and it is very lonely sometimes. I'm not ready to write a letter like this one, but it seems to have all the bases covered to me. I hope that you get a good response from family and friends.

  4. Very brave!!!! I'm proud of you!

  5. Beautiful letter. We wrote a similar one to our family in November and it was a huge relief actually. It is wonderful now, to have their support and love, where before, they were unaware of what was going on.

  6. It is a great letter. I agree with PP that a little more of your feelings would add more connection to your letter. It felt good to come out for me. Hope it does for you too.

  7. You are so brave to do this! I hope you get nothing but love and support from your friends and family like I did when I told. I hope you feel the weight lifted off you!

    I agree with everyone else, put more of you in it.

  8. Wow...this letter is great! I couldn't have put it any better. DH and I are still dealing with infertility without saying much to family and friends. Thank you for sharing because when we are ready to share this would be a great way to do it. I think your loved ones will understand a lot better and give you guys the support you need.

  9. This is a great letter and I admire your courage in sending it. Adding more of your personal feelings would be nice, like Alissa said, but that didn't jump out at me as lacking when I read it. Good luck. I hear ya on being tired of struggling with this in silence. I get more and more open about it as time goes on.